My Therapist is a Dragon

One of my favourite things in life are spontaneous, or so to say, accidental conversations with people, close or random - doesn’t matter. Conversations on deep personal topics you did not expect to happen but you went on with the exchange anyway because you feel the same.

Realisation comes that you are not alone and that you are not ‘insane’ for feeling that way, just too lonely inside your head for far too long that it may seem as ‘insanity’ has taken over. Those situations show me that humans are indeed extremely social beings, but we somehow stopped listening to each other or we just failed to ask the right questions.

Life’s too fast and we are too slow to catch up, primarily with ourselves then with others.

Then another realisation happens. Women, and in my close circle - millennial women, keep experiencing the same insecurities, question the same thoughts, dwell on the same life choices, and have been trying almost the same solutions for those issues without meaningful results.

One of those solutions was what most of us have been exposed to: advice from people with good intentions*, self-help books, therapy, documentaries, articles, reel-like studies, apps, AI prompts, you name it, but we all failed to find answers we were looking for. We just keep going through the motions hoping for the best, expecting the worst, and relying on some external forces to take our lives on the path we wanted.

I’ve been there, of course, and failed miserably. Took all the same steps, failed to find answers, inner peace, cortisol leveling, life-changing realizations, or at least make the right steps towards a chosen goal. 

Then, I just gave up. I gave up on trying to: please the world, catch up with my surroundings, meet the goals others have set for me, find the answers, plan my path, visualise perfect scenarios. 

I decided to occupy my thoughts while life is happening. I never forgot my goals, just decided not to make them my only priority. My only priority became ‘me’ when I am not an employee, a colleague, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a sister, an advisor, an upstanding citizen, or a peak millennial… I made a decision that the roles us women have been given do not define my personality.

Only my genuine personality traits, combined interests, and how I deal with every new situation onward is what makes me who I am.

That’s when I realised what made me genuinely happy for the first time in years. Books were the only thing that made me truly ‘me’ since I learned how to read. Fiction is the only form I was always interested in since I read Alice in Wonderland for the first time. 

I appreciate all literature forms: fiction, non-fiction, scientific, graphic novels, doesn’t matter. If it’s on paper, I appreciate it. But at this point in my life, only fiction helps.

Why? Well, don’t you think us (millennials) had enough of reality? Wars, market crashes, real-estate bubbles, political power struggles, viruses and pandemics, all kinds of modern diseases, job market oscillations, the rise of social media, cloud, AIs, whatever technology advancements you want… Do you think we are handling it well? We may look like we do, but internally, we are struggling. We just want inner peace, a place where we belong, a little bit of sense of achievement, and less toxicity.

That’s what fiction has given me. Despite all the criticism, new age i.e. new adult fiction has given me, and I know for a fact that many people feel the same, little bit of inner peace, a sense of achievement when I finish a book, feeling that I belong to a group of people who liked the same book, and no toxicity. My problems haven’t been resolved, but at least I am having fun while life is happening.

“Where focus goes, energy flows”**, right?  Well my focus goes to the latest fiction books, and my energy flows towards badass female characters, complex character relationships, games and trials, dark academia, found family, fae and vampires, all kinds of spice, imaginary lands, and magic systems, creative ways to resolve fictive problems, and I love every second of it. I am not questioning even one bit if I am using my spare time right, as I know I am not torturing my mind with problems that are outside of my control.

So, if you want to have a try of my methods, feel free to. Give it a go. What can you lose, really?

Try reading at least one Sarah J. Maas’ novels, or dip your toe in the world of dragons with Fourth Wing, see how vampires are struggling with the stories of Carissa Broadbent, or go more contemporary with Emily Henry, Chloe Walsh, or Liz Tomforde.  Or try some sci-fi series, travel through time, explore LitRPG, or just embrace the dystopian vibes.

Give it a try. Maybe you will find out that you really like reading fiction, and that non-fiction or true crime or whatever book you cannot continue is just not your best friend right now.

• Maybe you will realize that you share the same thoughts as one of the fae women in a magical land, but even if you don’t have wings or powers the thoughts you share are the same.

• Maybe you will discover what fictitious love and relationships look like and what you currently have is close to that or too far away from it.

• Maybe you will enjoy the exploration of female sexuality and the fact that it's easy to yourself the way you are.

• Maybe you will just have fun and be proud of that.

• Maybe you will find out that your therapist is a sarcastic dragon that taught you more about life that any other human.

Society has somehow banned genuine fun because there are too many misfortunes to focus on at any given moment.

Try, fail, repeat until you succeed. As long as you find what makes you - you when all the roles you were given are removed.

*"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" - Saint Bernard, the 12th Century Abbot of Clairvaux in France

**Quote by Tony Robbins